


Bottom teaches Top

by xXSaturnXx



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Smutt, UsUk (hint), spamano - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2019-10-08 11:06:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXSaturnXx/pseuds/xXSaturnXx
Summary: Lovino is doing what ever he wants and who ever he wants.Antonio thought he would live the life he always wanted, until he finds out he is not.You can imagine that this meeting will change  both of their worlds.Spamano Human AUSmuttComing out





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> welcome to another story of mine.  
> Its not a main story BUT I like all my stories the same while i write them.  
> For those of you who watched the series "Queer as folk", this was a bit of an inpiration for this FF here.
> 
> It will touch some topics as rough coming outs, swearing language, smutt and also things like cheating and blackmailing so if you are uncomfortable with any of this, be careful :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Lovino and Alfred were leaning against the bar counter while looking around for something … or better someone interesting to prey on. The Italian was sipping from his drink and adjusted the scarf around his neck.  
“Man… this makes you look so gay”, Alfred commented with a smile on his face. “Nobody can wear a tight shirt and a scarf like that. I love it!”  
“Well, you may not have noticed but I actually AM gay… and we are in a gay bar… and I have a great sense of fashion and everyone is staring at me and this is a great thing, dammit”, Lovino told him with a self-satisfied grin. Alfred laughed to that and took a sip from his beer, letting his foot tap to the loud music.  
A handsome guy just passed them and they both starred after him.  
“I wanna fuck him”, Alfred said.  
“I wanna be fucked by him”, Lovino commented.  
The American looked at him still amused.  
“How comes, that you are a bottom so passionately?”, he asked curiously  
“Come on Alfred”, Lovino raised his eyebrows and stood up straight. He was still almost a head shorter than his friend… and Alfred was not exactly the biggest guy either. “There are just so many guys that are shorter than me and… we all know what my type is”, he continued tracing his eyes down the tanned broad back of one of the dancers on the bar. Then he looked back at his friend.  
“And besides, I like when those bastards do everything to get into your pants. You don´t have to go around and collect rejections, you can let them come to you if you want to. They buy you drinks, suck you off and they do all the work and you can just enjoy”, he explained and finished his wine and sitting back down.  
Alfred nodded. Well and what he said was true and Lovino was really popular with the guys. He could be picky. Sure he was kind of a slut, but one of the sorts you would get jealous of because all young men just want to get laid. Men thought about sex at least as often as about food.  
“Why did you never let me fuck you?”, Alfred asked jokingly after a minute.  
“I said I like dicks up my ass” the Italian just snorted jokingly back, his words dripping with sarcasm. Alfred then laughed and made a heart broken face, then patted Lovinos Shoulders.  
“Dam, you are one special dude! Good thing we are friends!”  
“I am careful with all my choices…”, Lovino smirked but then drifted off, starring to the dance floor. Then he hopped from his stool. “Got one…. I gotta go”, he gave a short wave to Alfred, not even looking at him and strolled to the dance floor.  
There was a guy that stood out from the others… and not only because of his good dam sexy body, his chocolate curls and sun kissed skin, even shining through his white dress shirt… no he looked kind of out of the place because he actually enjoyed the dancing. Every other guy on the dance floor was just trying to hook up with someone else. It must definitely be his first time here and that was what made him interesting for Lovino.  
He got to the dance floor being careful to not dance directly beside “Hot guy” but not too far away, so he could watch him and of course being watched by him. Then Lovino started to dance, and he knew he danced dam well. Just some seconds after that, he felt some gazes on him and he decided to check if that certain guy was one of them. He got a little glimpse over his shoulder while swirling around and just in that moment he met the most beautiful and stunning and bright green eyes he has ever seen. The Italian smirked slightly as the time seemed to slow down as their eyes met and it was like a flash that let all the other people in the room simply vanish. Those green eyes widened first in surprise and then in as swirl of lots of other emotions… he simply just didn’t know what hit him but Lovino knew that expression. Then the moment was over and Lovino turned this back to the guy and danced like he had not noticed him but paying extra attention to the movement of his hips. Silently counting how long it would take him to come over.  
He hadn’t even counted to three when he felt hands gripping his hips. He grinned victorious. But then there was something strange. There were also hands on this shoulder. Four hands where kind of strange for one guy. When he lifted his gaze there were indeed two guys sandwiching him… not that this was a bad thing but unfortunately none of them where that hot guy.  
He sighed a little but kept dancing between them but letting none of them get too close, just to be sure. He didn’t even give them some attention but they felt attracted to his dancing.  
It was a game after all and maybe some competitors could work wonders. He just had to be careful that none of the two strangers kissed him that would end the game. But he could use the two to get to his target. If his intention was right and he would play the one who needed to be saved, it would work just perfectly. Another glimpse to the hot guy just told Lovino that he indeed was not amused by the two other guys, but it almost seemed that he thought he wasn´t in the game anymore. The Italian could truly se a little disappointment in those green eyes but just until they met again, and this time is was not just a little glimpse. It was more an intensive stare almost like a little conversation in which Lovino made clear that it wasn’t over yet and he indeed wanted to be saved. Hot guy was a fast learner and he took a moment the other guys were too busy fighting each other than caring about their prey to get a hold of Lovinos arm and spun him right against him. And he did it without ending their dancing and as soon as Lovino made one move with him he knew he was a very good dancer.  
“Thank you”, the Italian mouthed and earned one of the most beautiful smiles for that. Now he had the opportunity so finally check out that stranger better. From this close distance and the nice tanned skin his green eyes stuck out even more. He seemed not really elder than Lovino himself, but that was probably not true, his aura just seem a little bit more… grown. There were small wrinkles on his eyes and mouth showing that he smiled really often. On his smooth skin were a few little moles sprinkled cutely over his face. His teeth were bright white and the canine where a little edgy so he bit his lips just a tiny bit while smiling. His lips where rosy, not just thin lines and his jaw was well formed. His curly hair even surrounded his ears and forehead, matching perfectly with his long eyelashes. He was just kissable. And looking at those lips, he definitely was a good kisser, the Italian was never wrong about this. And he wanted to taste them just now.  
But Mr. Hot didn’t grip his hips yet, he still held his hand but he didn’t approach any further. They just danced along to the thudding music. That was what made Lovino even more sure that he was new in the game. Definitely not in love and sex, no no… but definitely with men. This was getting even more interesting for playing a little game. Not that anyone in this club was searching for some relationship material but for adventures.  
The Italian guided “hotguys” hand and placed it on his hips. He gave a little encouraging smirk to him, being very satisfied with the unsure excitement he got as an answer and it remembered him how nervous he was with his first experiences. After a few moments he could feel the grip tighten and slender fingers carefully tracing over his jeans, the shirt and the little exposed skin between them. They danced for a while and Lovino let his hands wander to his dance partners neck and trough that unruly curls. They were softer then they looked, even though they were sweaty. Their owner gave a little shudder to the touch. Their eyes were looked and never left each other’s gaze, the music was almost drowned out. Lovino could see him leaning in just a tiny bit… that was a good sign. He leaned up a bit too… their lips were just a few centimeters away, waiting what would happen.  
“What is your name…?”, Lovino heard a really low and really sexy voice whisper. There was a heavy accent in it, which added a little whistled and lisped tone to the s. Lovino just smirked to that. It was getting better and better.  
“Lovino… yours?”, he answered letting his own accent flow, seeing with amusement that his partner sharply sucked in some air.  
“Antonio…”  
Even his name sounded hot and he was probably Spanish or something. Antonio was a pretty popular name in Italy too, but the accent was different.  
Names seemed everything they needed to know for now and Lovino guided Antonio’s head down the last centimeters until their lips met. It was definitely not a hesitant kiss because Antonio almost directly tilted his head to the side to intensify the kiss and Lovino was right, he was a dam good kisser. …Just the right way to make you see stars and hungry for more. Lovino guided the hands that where still holding his hips down to his butt where they very willingly got a firm grip and almost made the Italian jump. They both moaned a little in the kiss, still dancing but suddenly Antonio stopped and freed one of his hands from Lovinos grip and instead buried his fingers in Lovinos caramel colored hair. The Italian had to end the kiss with a wet popping sound and the other let out an almost whining sound.  
“Wanna go somewhere else?”, he whispered in Antonio’s ear, smirking, as his eyed grew wide. Then after a second there was that bright smile again and Lovino got a last peak to his lips.  
“Ok, I know a place…”, he said then and took his hand on the way out of the club with the throbbing music.  
Xxx  
Right after that he learned something about Antonio, and once more that he was completely different from what he was used to in men.  
That guy was completely oblivious!  
So god dam oblivious it was somehow totally sweet. And due to this Lovino didn’t found himself dragged to a bedroom or bathroom and thrown on his back and screwed silly but dragged to a small entrance of another club. Its name sign was the head of an old Mississippi boat and read “Havana”. Small stairs lead to a cellar room with a stony ceiling an old wooden dance floor, surrounded by billiard tables and a classic looking bar. There was no sound system but a real music group playing some really good salsa. Lovino was so stunned by it, he decided to not tell Antonio his mistake and just going with the flow.  
“You like it?”, the accented voice purred in Lovinos ear. “Since the music in the other club was… let’s say interesting, I saw it as my duty to show you real music…”  
They headed to the bar and they sat down. Antonio ordered something in some fast Spanish. Lovino again was right with his assumptions and he smiled a real smile for the first time.  
“Well, I don´t know what you know about the “club”, but it’s not famous for its music, more for its possibilities, if you know what I mean… and then the music, and the alcohol is enough for that”, he countered watching with amusement as Antonio first watched him confused, then realization hit him and his checks began to burn. As soon as the barkeeper put the tequila on the table, the drowned the first, not caring about the citron and the salt, and demanded a refill.  
“Ah… now I understand why my Google research said I definitely should go there…”, he then said awkwardly rubbing his neck.  
“You were going alone, without some friends?”  
“Ah… no… “, Antonio began but was fast to continue. “And I was worried because of what happened on the dance floor around us…”  
“And you had no clue?”, asked Lovino.  
Antonio shook his head to that.  
“I knew it was your first time there… you don´t look like a typical guest… plus you were the only one not trying to dry hump someone there”, the Italian said and raised his glass. They both slammed the empty shot glass on the table and got a refill.  
“It was that clear…? Now I feel awkward to say I’m totally new in this… I just found out you know… and I don’t even know why I’m telling you this…”, Antonio continued and smiled his heart melting smile. It made Lovino feel even warmer than he did with the alcohol running in his system.  
“Because you are dump and I’m irresistible. This could be the storyline of a late coming out movie”, he commented.  
Antonio just laughed to that and gave Lovino that look he couldn’t place.  
“It takes some time to hear yourself if your surroundings are just loud enough so you mistake them with your own voice….” the Spaniard said after a while and they took another shot.  
“God… that took a dark turn really quick…”, Lovino snorted.  
“..and you still here with me…”, Antonio countered, smiling.  
“That is right, you are lucky that you are so handsome…”, Lovino said and then leaned forward on his seat, steadying his head with one palm and looking Antonio straight in the eyes.  
“… and it leads us to the interesting things in this world… to be exact the one interesting thing in the world… “, Lovino said and leaned forward even more, smirking. “… so tell me are you a top or a bottom…”  
He enjoyed the trouble he could see in those green eyes very much. It was so innocent and yet so possessive.  
“I… I don´t know yet”, Antonio said but his eyes showed that he lied and drowned another shot, feeling the warm liquid burning down his throat.  
The Italian saw it and just made a disapproving gesture with his hands.  
“Look, bastard. It really is that easy… just look at me and then tell me would you rather fuck me or being fucked by me, or both… that you are attracted to me is out of question.”, he simply said, following the movement of Antonio’s adams apple as he swallowed hard.  
“… I think… “, he started but Lovino cut him off by licking a last drop of tequila from the Spaniards lips.  
“Don´t think… you can´t do that anyway…. Feel instead…”  
This time Antonio’s reaction was faster and he gently captured the Italians lips with his teeth, sucking at it.  
“I feel… like I want to … I want to fu… hold you”, he then whispered.  
“Well… then you are a top, a very inexperienced one but that is just a matter of time. Congratulations to your coming out bastard.”, Lovino said and smirked winning when they separated and they had another shot of tequila to made a toast to that.  
“You are actually the first one congratulating me for that”, Antonio then said and suddenly laughed and dragged Lovino to the dance floor for some real dancing. That was the second time that made Lovino wonder about that guy. For a “almost” one night stand he already knew pretty much about the Spaniard and he somehow didn’t mind it. He also really enjoyed the dancing.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> So, there you go with a new Chapter :)  
> Thank you for the feedback so far!
> 
> Please enjoy!

When the sun let their rays flow over the horizon they were sitting on a bench on a high point of the city, with their legs tangled. They laughed and ate some pastries from an early opening bakery to get the alcohol out of their system. It did not work really well, they were still smashed but the pastries where tasty nevertheless.  
“Dam bastard… that was a night”, the Italian said stuffing his face with the last remaining pastry. Antonio had already finished and licked his fingers off of the last sugar. He laughed his beautiful laugh and then got silent, watching Lovino.  
“Thank you… Lovino. I haven´t felt this good and alive in years…”, he said then and watched Lovino, who stared back at him for a minute, and for the first time getting a little red because of that unexpected compliment. Then the younger smirked and leaned forward to kiss the Spaniards lips and taste the sugar on them.  
Antonio then just smiled, but it sounded almost a little bit sad.  
“Its morning already…I should go home…”, he said but Lovino shut his mouth with one of his hands.  
“We aren’t even finished yet… there is one more lection I got for you and we are talking about this “feeling good and alive” after that again. Foreplay was fun, but it is over now”, he whispered grinning as he dragged a stumbling and fluttered Antonio to his feet. Now he would decide where to go, to avoid any other idea of the Spaniard.  
xxx  
As Lovino opened the door to the apartment he shared with two other people Antonio let out an amazed gasp.  
“Amazing! I haven’t been in a shared flat since university!”  
He watched the chaos and Lovino stumbling trough it with awe.  
“Yeah yeah, shut up and follow me!”, the Italian just said and gripped the Spaniards arm, pulling him with him to his room. As the door closed behind them and the lock clicked Lovino could watch Antonio tensing up. It was not this angsty thing like “OMG-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-or-do-I-even really-want-this it was more like “OMG-this-is-really-going-to-happen-I’m-so-exited”-nervousness. He surpassed a laugh, so that oblivious guy finally realized that there would really be sex tonight… or morning.  
The Italian threw his jacket to a near chair and then turned around to the Spaniard, watching him with a challenging gaze. Antonio was watching him too and a little smile was forming on his lips.  
“If you don´t know how to start forget the sweet talk, just go ahead. I am more interested in what you can offer me”, Lovino then said with a smirk and Antonio suddenly didn´t seem so oblivious anymore because his smile widened more.  
The older then closed the distance between them and kissed Lovino and again he almost directly parted his lips, showing the Italian a hunger he never experienced before. And he liked it and was fast to take part in that heated kiss. Finally the Italian could let his hands wander over that smooth skin, he had observed all night and didn´t lose time to start unbutton the white shirt. Antonio wasn´t idle either and let his hands wander from Lovinos face over his shoulders and the side to the hem of the Italians shirt. Lovino could tell that he must be super aware of everything and tried to let no detail of the Italians body slip… he liked the “virgins”, they were always so motivated.  
They had to break the kiss as Antonio pulled the shirt over Lovinos head and he took that opportunity to check out the Spaniards chest. He had not really a broad frame, he was more the lean kind of guy but he was well ripped without those muscles from the fitness center to show off but with those that showed he had a lot of stamina… which was a good thing. He even had some little moles on his shoulders and… Lovino furrowed his brows.  
“You have a tattoo on your ribcage?”, Lovino asked in a mocking tone and brushed his fingers over the black sailing ship. It actually looked quite sexy.  
Antonio just smiled and straightened himself so the tattoo was framed by the shapes of his rips. He knew exactly how to move.  
“Yes… a memento from my teenage hood, but I still like it. It remembers me of something…”, he said letting the others shirt fall to the ground and sounded like he wanted to say more but then calmed, staring at Lovino.  
“You have a nipple piercing?”, Antonio countered his sparkling eyes fixed on Lovinos chest, liking his lips.  
“Since I´m 18, it´s kinda fun. Go ahead… I know you want to”, the Italian said enjoying Antonio’s behavior. And the guy didn’t let himself be told twice, he let out some air and bent down to cover the pierced flesh with his lips. The Italian shuddered a little because of the hot and wet feeling. It also tingled because Antonio flipped the piercing over and over again with his tongue. Then he suddenly sucked at it and caused Lovino to moan softly…. Finally.  
The Spaniard let his hands wander over Lovinos chest, remaining there a little like he couldn’t believe that it was so flat. Then he looked up and made Lovino feel even hotter with the fire in his deep green eyes. The Italian enjoyed himself even more while letting his hands go through the curly hair and pulling Antonio further to the bed. With a soft pop the lips let go of Lovinos nipple just to capture his mouth again. His hand wandered into the Italians pants to grab his butt as he got the two of them down on the bed. Lovino gasped softly and curled one of his legs around Antonio’s waist feeling the muscles of his butt on his tights.  
“Take off your pants…”, the Italian said and impatiently brought them down a few centimeters with his leg. Antonio got up on his knees and let his head fall to the side, still glancing at Lovino with a little smirk. Slowly he unbuttoned his jeans and let the fabric of his underwear show. Then he looked at Lovino who did the same, still lying on his back. Then the Italian squirmed a little bit but in a sexy way while doing so, and made the green eyes follow every smooth movement of his body. Then it was Antonio’s turn again. He had a little happy trail starting at his belly button and Lovino followed it with his eyes as the underwear came off. Antonio was definitely not ashamed of his body and how could he be, Lovino gave himself a mental high-five for choosing such a nice one. He liked how Antonio’s member twitched even more as he pulled down his own underwear in a really slow motion and then let his arms wander over his tights and belly up to his face.  
Antonio swallowed and hesitated for a moment. Lovino could see in his eyes, that now was the point where he was new at and where he thought a second time about really doing it. So the Italian had to take action and wiggled one of his fingers to bring Antonio down to him. He had to make him lose his head again. He set a single kiss to those gorgeous lips and he could feel the Spaniard exhale exited as their heated and bare skin met for the first time. Then their eyes met and Lovino traced the others lips with his fingers.  
“I want to feel those lips… did you ever gave someone a blowjob before?”, Lovino asked and had to suppress an amused snore as Antonio’s eyes went into puppy eyes and he shook his head slowly, almost ashamed. The Italian felt a spark of excitement in his tummy.  
“Then how about you try it now…”, he continued. Antonio seemed eager to that but also a little bit unsure. “Simply do what you imagine would feel good to you too…”  
As Antonio licked his lips again and glanced down on Lovino he got a nice idea.  
“Wait… I´ll show you and you join, okay?”, he said and grinned at Antonio’s questioning view even as he started to wander down and turn around still on his back so he was laying under the Spaniard but the other way around. Antonio followed him with furrowed brows just (!) slightly distracted by Lovinos cock standing proud right below his face but then he had to close his eyes and let out a surprised moan as the Italian gave a long lick to his erection.  
Lovino wasn’t so fond of giving blowjobs, but he was fucking good at it. And sometimes he did an exception. Antonio seemed to one of those. As he bent his lips over the tip he could feel and see the whole body above him shiver and he had do grin to that. Then he took more in and let his tongue swirl over the sensitive skin.  
Suddenly he had to gasp because there was hot sensation coming from his own member. Antonio was really fast to join. He wasn´t as teasing as Lovino he just slowly closed his lips around the Italian and let his head sink. Lovino could feel the irregular exhale of air on his skin. It was a simple action but for alone that the Italian honored the other with an encouraging moan. Then he continued doing his own work while grinning to himself. He succeeded too distract Antonio so much with his actions, that he had to stop for a few seconds to bent his back and moan.  
Antonio was a fast learner, he didn´t know how to do the teasing yet, the nibbling, the different speeds and all those things that made it so good, but one time he just sucked really hard and turned his head while going up and god… it felt amazing to Lovino. But he also recognized soon that Antonio’s jaw must hurt, it was his first blowjob after all. He let go of the Spaniard and took in his old position facing him again.  
“Was it so bad?”, Antonio asked with a small smile but Lovino could see he was serious about it and laughed a bit.  
“It wasn´t THAT bad … for a beginner”, he teased and laughed at those big green eyes. Then he turned around a little to reach the nightstand and took out a condom and a bottle of lube. Antonio watched him attentive.  
“Let’s continue then. Should I stretch myself or do you want to do it?”, the Italian asked nonchalant, causing Antonio to blush just a little bit. He seemed to have trouble with that decision. Lovino laughed.  
“Scared?”  
To that Antonio immediately shook his head.  
“No, I just can´t decide… it must be a total hot view to watch you but I also want to feel it myself…”  
That answer surprised Lovino for a moment but then he laughed. That guy wasn’t shy just inexperienced. He would be a beast once he knew what he was doing.  
“Ah… that’s too bad…”, the Italian whispered and opened the bottle. He purred some of the gel on his fingers and rubbed it a little bit. He could see how Antonio’s eyes grew again and he swallowed hard. Then Lovino turned around a bit and let his hand sink slowly but his hands got grabbed by Antonio.  
“I can´t keep still and watch…I have to…”, he said and got some lube himself. Lovino had to give him some hints but he managed well even a little bit too careful. Despite that, Lovino gasped a little, not because of pleasure but to get the right mood what was also important! Nothing was a bigger turn down for a top, than a bottom that was just laying there and enduring it. At least a little bit of a play had to be included to not make it boring and both perform best. And what Antonio lagged on experience he made up with his eagerness, which should be rewarded.  
Lovino watched Antonio watching him and he could see he was totally amazed by the view. It made Lovinos stomach flipped a bit and he felt he was getting impatient.  
“It´s enough… let’s get started… “  
Antonio seemed so preoccupied he almost jolted a bit and his eyes began to sparkle even more.  
“Oh…okay!”, he said breathless and sat up. Lovino had time to enjoy the view as the Spaniard opened the condom with shaky fingers and put it on.  
Lovino licked his lips a little and leaned himself on his elbows. Antonio hesitated for a moment until the Italian grabbed his arm and pulled him forward. They looked eyes for a moment and a ghost of a smile hushed over Antonio’s face, reflection the one Lovino gave him.  
Then Antonio’s eyes wandered down and he positioned himself, and then took a deep breath.  
“Don´t make it too dramatic…pft Virgins…”, Lovino murmured with a snort. It actually made Antonio laugh a bit and he was not so tense anymore.  
“I put it in now…”, he whispered.  
“I wish, you would not just talk about it but do it…”, was the answer to that, and then he tangled his legs around Antonio’s hips, to push him forward a bit more.  
The Spaniard closed his eyes and moaned a little, automatically pushing forward more. As he opened his eyes again, he looked right into the Italians. Lovino looked quite amused about how Antonio’s eyebrows twisted a little, and his eyes began to shine even more. It looked kind of pure.  
“You like it?”, Lovino asked with a smirk and brushed a lock of hair out of Antonio’s face.  
“Hm…” was the almost purred answer of the Spaniard as he turned his face a little so press a kiss on Lovinos hand on his cheeks.  
Lovino didn’t have to tell him what to do know, he began to move slowly on his own. And dam again was the Italian right about Antonio exactly knowing how to roll his hips. The Italian led his hands wander on Antonio’s shoulder and pushed himself a bit against Antonio’s movements.  
“Faster… let me feel you”, Lovino demanded after a moment and Antonio obeyed immediately, making a longer trust … and accidently pulling out.  
“Ops…”, he then said and effectively ruined the mood with that and Lovino slapped him on the back of his head.  
“Don´t say ops… that is not sexy and it just began to be fun…”, he snorted. Antonio again laughed a bit to that and for the first time actually made the Italian lose his temper a bit.  
“God… your´e fucking idiot!!!”, he began but calmed down then. “Just don´t make the thrusts that long if you can´t handle it. I’m too tight for that…”  
“Yes you are…you feel amazing…”, breathed Antonio exited.  
“I know that, thank you… now… better”, murmured the Italian as Antonio tried again.  
Suddenly the Italian felt an intensive spark of pleasure and moaned out a little louder. That caused Antonio to stop.  
“What was that? You got all tight… Did I hurt you…?”, he asked breathlessly but actually worried.  
Now it was Lovino, who laughed.  
“No you just hit my prostate… that is a good thing, do that again”, he explained actually finding it somehow funny.  
“Are you laughing at me…? “, Antonio asked to that and played a little hurt, but his lips also bent in a smile.  
“No… I´m laughing with you…”, he countered sarcastically, still laughing. Antonio joined him after a few seconds. The laughing ended in a very heated kiss and the Spaniard started to trust again, very eager to hit Lovinos prostate again. And after that he did quite good in doing Lovino and the Italian was again right, he had indeed stamina and he made up with that for his yet lagging experience.  
Lovino came with a loud moan and scratched over the skin of Antonio’s back. He would have some nice memories of that night but he didn’t seem to care. He just jolted and gasped and had to close his eyes throwing his head back as he hit his orgasm right after the Italian. Lovino liked it to watch his partner in that moment, because that moment was never an act, beside it was an act and then he could definitely tell. And Antonio didn’t act, oh no. His eyes fluttered shut and his jaw moved forward a bit, his nose was wrinkled in pleasure and he was moaning huskily… but there was one thing that was strange. After a moment his pleasure twisted face turned into a …pained one and he buried his face in Lovinos shoulder.  
He could feel the whole body of the Spaniard became stiff and he even shivered a bit before he became limp again and exhaled slowly.  
“So… I´m really gay”, he whispered making Lovino snort breathlessly. He even had to blink.  
“What? And suddenly that is a problem?”, the Italian asked a bit confused. He just waited a moment and then awkwardly patted Antonio’s head. That was something new even for him and he didn’t know how to react.  
Antonio looked up and faced Lovino, his eyes where a bit red.  
“I´m so sorry… I just… it felt so right… I never knew it could feel so right…”, he said stunned as if he was talking to himself.  
Lovino lifted one eyebrow.  
“Isn´t that good for you?”, he said and sat up a bit more. Antonio just looked at him for a short moment and then nodded hesitantly.  
“I guess… it´s just… I will never…”  
And then it clicked and Lovino understood this emotional mess. He let out a breath and let one hand wander through his hair. Normally there was a rule to one night stands… no detail, no problems. It was the first time Lovino couldn’t prevent himself from asking… because he really wanted to know.  
“What is it? Do you have a “decent” live with all that social pressure so you can´t come out? Are you married?”, he asked in a clam voice but Antonio jolted nevertheless, his gaze going down.  
“Yes…”  
“Children…?”  
“God, no!”  
“Well whatever…”, Lovino then said and shrugged.  
“Are you mad at me? ”, the Spaniard asked with a guilty voice and sat up a bit too, so he was kneeing in front of Lovino. He looked like he was about to cry “I don´t know was gone into me… I’m the worst…” The Italian watched him for a moment and then rolled his eyes.  
“Why should I? Don´t freak out here Bastard. I wanted Sex, you wanted Sex and that´s it. We both got what we wanted right? Circumstances are not so important for one night stands you know? Just don´t tell your wife my name ok?”, he then said and let himself fall back into the pillows again.  
Antonio looked at him dumfounded and speechless. Lovino snorted again.  
“What? Don´t expect any drama from me! And honestly it’s not the craziest situation I was in.”, Lovino said with a smirk and turned to the side.  
Now it was Antonio who snorted and let his hand wander through his locks. “You are something…”  
Lovino felt Antonio’s gaze longer on him than it was normal… is was uncomfortable.  
“What are you going to do now?”, Lovino just said after a minute, laughing and sitting up. “Lying for the rest of your life to make others happy?”, he asked leaning in and breathing a kiss against the Spaniards lips and amusing himself by seeing how the other shuddered in delight. “And never be yourself again….?”  
“I don´t know…”, Antonio answered after a moment.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!
> 
> Sorry to keep you waiting for a new chapter but worked on my mainstory a lot lately :)
> 
> But there you go with chap 3!  
> Remember, before it gets better things have to go bad, so I hope you stay with Antonio trough this chapter.   
> Also I have no grudge against any charakter (I love them all) but they have to do what they do to get my story accross.
> 
> Enjoy!

Lovino just stepped a bit back from his scaffold and watched his work from the last hours. In that moment an arm wrapped around his neck and he got tangled in a crushing hug.   
“Hey dude, you left the club very fast with that hot guy. How was it?”, Alfred directly pointed out the important topic.  
Lovino just grinned to that and ignored his friend, taking his brush again. Alfred made a pouting face.  
“Aww come on!! Tell me!”, he demanded.  
The Italian let him suffer a bit more and grabbed one of the coffees Alfred had brought. He slowly took a sip and then looked at his friend.  
“I was his first guy…”  
“What?? Dam, he didn´t look like that! So was it that bad? Didn’t he know what to do??”, Alfred joked and patted his friend on the back.  
Lovino thought a moment and remembered the feeling then he shook his head.  
“No he was good, he just needs a little more experience and then he will be very fuckable.”  
“Ah…. Since you have that rule that you only sleep once with a person… can I have him then?”  
Lovino just smirked and took another sip of his coffee.   
“There is just one problem… I ruined him for every other guy… or women”, he answered after a while… internally laughing about his own joke without knowing why. Alfred didn’t recognize it and just let out a deep breath.  
“It’s the same thing every time! All the good guys are straight or already have slept with you.”  
Lovino already started to paint again.  
“If there is ever someone you want to have… just tell me before”, he simply said.   
As Alfred left the room after a while he tossed his brush to the side, again observing the details of his painting… it was a black sailing ship on smooth tan brown background, and there were just the shadows of ribs visible under the black sails.  
Xxx  
~Some days later~  
Antonio was standing in front of the mirror for an hour now. His hair was more messed up than usual because he had run his hand trough oh so often. The nails on his fingers were bitten down and his lips had nasty bite marks… everything a result from his nervousness.  
“Okay you can do that…”, he told his mirrored self in a hushed tone.  
Then he sucked in some air and held it for a moment. Then he made a serious face.  
“Gil… Francis… I´m gay.”, he started but as soon as he said it he rubbed with his hands over his eyes and groaned.   
“This is so stupid…”, he whimpered.  
Half an hour later he and his two best friends were sitting in Antonio’s bar room. They were alone in his house since it was their usual meeting evening during the week and Emma, Antonio’s wife, was out almost all the time.  
Antonio was already half trough his second glass of wine and had still not found the courage to tell them. For a moment the thought crossed his mind that he didn’t tell it because he was not sure if it was even true. But then his mind was wandering back to that one night… the night he had met that young man, Lovino. He was almost able to still feel his skin on his own…. It had felt just right… he truly had felt happy with him… even when they had just been talking and eating pastries… like it was supposed to be.   
As Francis waved a hand in front of his eyes and he had to shake his head to come back to reality.  
“Come on my friend… it’s not normal to zoom out that much… even for you… just say it! What is wrong?“, the French said and Gilbert nodded.  
„Yes, right! You can tell us everything, because we are awesome friends, kesesese!“, he said.   
Antonio wanted to believe them… so dam much… He needed some support. He needed someone to tell him that he wasn’t about to do the biggest mistake of his life… that he wasn’t just selfish or confused….that he wasn’t an asshole even if he had behaved like one… Even a joked lecture would be okay… just to show him that at least someone still was on his side.  
Antonio looked at them for moment and swallowed hard. They tensed up and held their breath. Slowly he met their gaze.  
“I´m gay.”  
It was out faster than he thought… and after it was out it was like a wave of burning fear crushed trough his veins making it almost unbearable to even exist… Also he could not look away from them. It was the first time saying it out loud and in front of a person he was familiar with. And now that he said it he knew it was true… it had always been true.   
The seconds stretched to an awfully long time and nothing happened. Not even a single twitch in the face of his friends told him what they were thinking. Then out of nothing Gilbert snorted, his mouth bent in s smirk. Both Francis and Antonio jerked to that and the French joined with a small laugh.  
“Wow, and I thought it was something serious… you just wanted to prank us… you are so funny Anton!”, Gilbert said and took a swing of his beer. Francis nodded.  
“I was really worried”, he said and swirling his wineglass in his hands.  
Antonio starred at them for another moment, stunned by their reaction… he felt the fear crushing into him in full force and his heart throbbed painfully in his chest. His lips and mouth were dry and he felt the tingling of tears stinging in his eyes.  
“But…”, he managed to get out. “It’s true! I really am!”  
First they were still laughing at their friends joke but then the recognized that it had been meant serious. Now they were just silently starring at him.  
Francis was the first to say something.  
“But… you mean… gay… like liking men… and only men?”  
Antonio nodded and he felt like a child that was scolded for doing something really wrong.  
Gilbert was calm for a moment which was really rare for him and took a large gulp of his beer. An awkward tension was suddenly in the room and Antonio had never felt so uncomfortable before. He had imagined it totally different because this two were his best friends in the world… since ever. And from his actual experience they had just reacted pretty bad…  
“Look… I just found out and I thought a lot about it… and I’m telling you first from all people I know because I trust you like no one else”, he explained and tried best for his voice to not crack, he didn’t managed good and looked at them desperately.  
“Gil… Francis… I don´t know what to do… please I need your help…”, he finished. It seemed to get through to them because they both jolted and got slightly red… guiltily looking into their glasses.  
“Of course Antonio… we are friends after all…”, Gil said but it sounded still shocked.  
“Exactly… it’s just… I mean… are you sure?”, Francis continued and leaned forward so his blonde curls bounced a bit, eying his friend warily.   
“You are married to a high class women, -let’s be honest she is out of your league- , you have a decent live, you have all this here”, he gestured around. “You are quite successful... do you know what it means? … Could there not be a possibility that it’s just a phase… that you… maybe are bi and just got a little fling over something that seemed interesting?”, the french guy said and made Antonio’s head spin…  
He knew his friends wanted to prevent him from a too fast decision that could turn his life into a mess but he had thought about it so many times and he always came to the same result.  
“No… I am quite sure… ”  
They both opened their mouth to just shut it after a minute without saying anything. Then Francis emptied his glass and Gilbert run a hand trough his hair.  
“Well”, the albino said after a moment without knowing how to continue.  
Antonio already saw it coming, the unnecessary comments of people – especially men- who didn’t understand. They would get it wrong.  
“… will you hit on us now?”, his friend continued with a joking snort.   
There it was. It was meant as a joke but it was not funny at all. Antonio sighed, but suddenly felt anger bubbling inside him. Now they were not seeing the person he was, the person they knew for their whole life but the gay that would possibly see every men as a potential partner now…   
Antonio groaned a bit and shook his head. They both got up from their seats.  
“It’s late already, we should probably go”, Francis said, as the one able to read the atmosphere. “Thanks for telling us Antoine, if we can help you with… something, just say so.”  
Antonio was stuck. He just HAD asked for help. Helplessly he watched his friends go to the door. Maybe they needed a bit of time to think about it so he swallowed his anger down. They were his friends… they knew him... and they were just human beings… and raised pretty strict… they had to sort it out by themselves and then would come back to him. They would choose him over the thoughts of the society... right?  
So Antonio laughed a bit, even if it felt really gross.  
“Hey”, he said and both stopped like they were caught on doing something stupid. “We are still good are we?” he asked weakly.  
Gil and Francis both laughed way to overstated.  
“Of course we are!”  
No they weren’t…


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter-Days to all of you guys!
> 
> Have a new Chapter coming up & thank you for reading the story so far.  
> I could copy paste the comment from last chapter... stay strong and stay trough it with Antonio.
> 
> See ya!

„Lovino… Lovino… that’s him! The guy!!“, Alfred almost hyperventilated and patted the Italian more violently then necessary on the shoulder.  
“What guy…”, the Italian answered a little irritated and followed where the American had pointed.  
“The guy you are not allowed to fuck! I swear you have to promise me!”, he pleaded and Lovino took a good look of the guy. He had dull blonde hair and was very pale… oh fuck those where the bushiest eyebrows he had ever seen. The pale green eyes were somewhat nice…  
“No worries Alfred… you can tap that all by yourself”, he said taking a sip of his drink. The American just laughed to that.  
“Yeah, he is to die for right? I knew you´d understand… now“, he got all serious. “How should I approach him?? I could be the awesome hero to save him!”  
Lovino looked at him as if he was kidding.  
“Or I could ask if he wanted to have a food fight with me?”  
Another “are you kidding me” look.  
Alfred got a little freaked out.  
“Looovinoo help mee…”  
Who could say no to those big blue spectacled eyes? Lovino snorted and got up from his chair.  
“Just follow me and do exactly what I tell you to do.”  
xxx  
Antonio was restless. After he had slept with that guy, Lovino, he had been so sure. And he had told his friends a few days before. After that they behaved really awkward around him, like they wanted to pretend that nothing had happened… but failed hard.  
One night Antonio walked in on them analyzing if he had ever tried to touch one of them or something like that and after that even the usually lively chat group on the phone lagged some action as well as their contact in general.  
Now today was their usual meeting night and they didn’t even come. They never had done that before. Antonio tried to call first Gil and now Francis. He had planned to speak with Emma today and he really needed some support.  
The phone rang long but no one picked up… Antonio sighed and jolted as Emma busted into the room, styled as ever and ready to go out. Antonio quickly let his phone drop to the table as if he had done something forbidden.  
“Antonio Darling! Why aren’t your interesting friends here?”, she said and put on some lipstick.  
Antonio was almost about to burst in tears and his smile could not fool anyone.  
“It seems they are busy today…”, he said, his voice pained.  
Emma didn’t even blink and put the lipstick in her clutch.  
“Ah, that’s a bummer”, she said but it didn’t sound concerned. “Well I´m out to a charity, don´t wait for me honey!”  
“Ah wait…”, he said before she could get out. She grinned at him.  
“Aww, do you want to come along? Unfortunately it’s already late but you can come next time, just tell me earlier then. I will use your American black to get you a new tailored suit? How does that sound? You could tell the people there all about your new project that will pay our new pool area in the garden, yes?”, she chatted and patted him on the head and tried to give him a kiss on the cheek but he stopped her.  
He had never minded that she was so in society, he just guessed that they were one of that couples which simply didn’t do much together... But now he saw in every of their interactions how wrong it was.  
“No, it’s not about that… Emma” , he said.  
Her sweet smile moved into an irritated one and she turned around one eyebrow raised. She snorted.  
“Is it again that stupid attitude of yours? I thought we already talked about it… aren’t you a bit too young for a midlife crisis…?”  
Her voice was like venom in Antonio´s ears and he had to shake his head.  
“Please listen to me… I know you must feel hurt… I never wanted to hurt you but I can´t continue like this… I can’t keep lying… it’s not fair to you or to me.” He started but she cut him off.  
“Shush… Don´t talk nonsense like that. You’ve got six weeks to do what you want and to clear your…mind… and then we decided to never talk about this again, right? And the six weeks are up now. Where a team… right?”, she said and her sweet smile returned again. She walked up to him and gently caressed his cheek.  
Antonio had to take a deep breath. It was confusing. She was sweet all the time, but her words were not sweet at all. And while he understood them he could not believe they were meant. He could not even get angry because she said everything in a sweet voice. It made it even worse.  
“I know… but it´s different now”, he whispered guilty and took her hand from his cheek. He didn’t feel like deserving kind gestures. But he had to do this now and be honest.  
“You… you are still one of the most important persons in my life and yes we are a team… but it’s not fair to keep lying to you over what I found out about myself. Because I´m really sure now. I know about the promises wve made but I have to be honest with you, even if I feel like the worst person here there it’s at least honesty I can stick too… Emma, im g-”  
The switch in her face was the most stunning thing he had ever seen, from sweet to furious in one second.  
“Stop.”  
“But I-“  
“DON’T SAY IT! You are just confused are you? It’s not true!”, she screamed and then turned around, covering her face. After a moment in which Antonio just stood there in shock she turned around again, tears falling from her eyes.  
“You destroy everything when you say it”, she whimpered and suddenly fell forward in his arms.  
“Don´t you believe in our love?”, she cried and Antonio could feel his heart sting in guilt and pain.  
“I´m sorry”, he said just to say something because there was nothing right he could say.  
“I bet you are”, she cried and got away from him, taking a cigarette from her clutch.  
“I thought you had stopped…?”, Antonio asked weakly.  
“Well good time to start again… or not?”, she said after a minute.  
“So you are really gay?”, she finally asked while taking a drag from her cigarette.  
Antonio just nodded calmly.  
“What do you want to do now?”, she said and he looked up surprised. She seemed really calm now.  
“Well I guess coming out? A divorce?“, he said and Emma shook her head furiously.  
“You can´t do that. There is no such thing as a divorce around here. You know what that means? You will destroy everything. Your career… and just think about my father and how he pushed you… what will everyone say when they find out you lied to me for such a long time… what will my father say? You will damage his business too you know”, she continued.  
And those words and the fears that came with them spread very fast into Antonio. He had thought about it but he never had imaged it like Emma was speaking it out loud now. It could not be true… could it be? But Emma was longer in the business and network than him… she had to know…right? It was the last thing he wanted to bring harm so someone.  
“But we can´t keep living like that… it would be a lie… and we both will be unhappy…” he said.  
“Not everything in life is shiny you know…”, Emma suddenly said and got up again, coming to him.  
“I got an idea… why don’t we look at it from the team point of view. We stay together like this….but I allow you to go sleep around… if you keep it a secret from everyone else.”  
Antonio shook his head. “I can´t do that and I don´t want to. I’m feeling guilty enough from this one time… I still love you…”  
“And I love you… but I don´t want you to be unhappy… we can still be happy together… and I’m okay with you loving me but not being attracted to me… we are friends… a team… but you know what would make me really happy… what you could do for me?”, she said pushing Antonio’s back against the wall, burring her head into his chest. She already got him. He would do everything that made her happy after what he did to her.  
“I will do everything”, he said.  
“I want to have a baby…with you.”  
…  
Gilbert and Francis were starring on the display of the phone lying on the table. They just had answered the phone; Antonio had been calling them and it had rung really really long. But just as they had answered there where some strange noises, as if the phone had been dropped.  
They waited for a moment but a “Hello” never came. Instead they heard first Antonio’s and then Emma’s voice.  
“We should hang up, that is a private conversation”, Francis said and wanted to grab the phone but Gilbert held him back.  
“…your INTERESTING FRIENDS…” sounded out of the speaker and the silver haired guy snorted.  
“…What…. Does she have something against us??”  
“Shh…. They will hear us… we should really not be overhearing this conversation”, Francis said again but now also made no effort anymore to hit the red button on the phone. As the conversation did go on, their eyes widened in shock.  
After the last words they heard a door close and after that a moment of silence, then they heard first a soft sob and a thud against a wall. The friends looked at each other and where about to jump up as they heard soft steps. Gilbert was fast to hit the red button on the phone.  
“Why did you do that??”, Francis asked. “We should talk to him, he needs us at the moment.”  
But this time Gilbert shook his head, his eyes still wide. He seemed really shaken.  
“He…he cried… did you hear that?? He actually cried… this is the first time I realized that he can be sad… how would you feel if you got to know that your two best friends secretly overheard what we overhead just at the moment??”  
The blonde looked at this friend for a second that a small smile tucked his face.  
“I did not expect something so thoughtful from you…”  
They were silent for a short moment just staring at each other.  
“… god… we are some big assholes as friends…. We have to apologize… to make it up. We totally betrayed his trust.”  
“…yes….”, Francis nodded. “And she plays with him and forces him to get a child to have more control over him and guilttrip him whenever she wants…”  
“That bitch… did you overhear what she said?? It’s not about the two of them… I mean sure she could be hurt but if she really loved him don´t you think she would have reacted differently…?”  
“Yes… but we did not react exactly positive either? Did we…?”, Francis murmured and let his hand wander through his face. Then he continued. “But this… is a total different level. Did you ever hear him talking positively about children?? Every time this topic comes up he tells us to stop and that he does not want some. And now you heard him.”  
„Maybe he has thought it all through… and made his decision“, Gilbert said but then crossed his arms. “…so if we do nothing, everything will stay as it is now… ok, we will be uncles soon… but he will never be happy…right?”  
Francis laughed a bitter laugh to that.  
“He was always too kind, always thinking of others first right? He should start to get a little more egoistic…”  
Gilbert nodded. “We are the best to teach him that right?”  
Francis leaned back and looked to the ceiling.  
“You know… now that I think of it really was kind of oblivious that he is gay… I remember when we were younger…”  
“But we always thought he was just dump to be not interested in chasing skirts, and we didn`t do anything to help him realize.”, Gilbert continued for the blonde.  
“And we have to now, right?”, the blonde said to agree. “Like he said, we are friends after all, and you saw his look as he told us. He is full of passion and the Antonio we love will perish if we let him stay in this situation.”  
Gilbert stood up.  
“If I have to choose a side I know which, after what that bitch has said. Just… do we have to tell Liz? She is pretty close with Emma, you know?”  
“Ah… we should worry later about that”, the Frenchmen said and stood up to.  
“Alright... time to do something really stupid?”, his friend said in the usual manner.  
“Of course… as long as it is something stupid for our friends”, Francis for once agreed.  
They went to directly Antonio’s house but there was nobody opening, even his phone was not answered… what should they do?


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my fellow Hetalians!  
> Welcome to a new chapter, and again sorry for the long wait!   
> Life is pretty busy but writing is really calming for me so I come back to it eventually everytime. :)
> 
> Enjoy!

With Lovino´s help Alfred had fast made contact with his crush. And it seemed to go very well. He could tell that the crush had been mutual and now they were acting like one of this cliché couples. It his pockets he had a letter, which told that some of his pieces were accepted in an art exhibition for the opening of the new city gallery in a few months. He had wanted to celebrate but the view of those two sick in love bastards made him cringe… There was only alcohol and some nasty action to make him forget this teeth rotting sugar stuff. And for Lovino it was never difficult to find somebody to fuck. After a hot make out session with some guy he felt a bit better but in a bad moment his eyes fell back on Alfred and Arthur. They were not kissing, but sitting very closely together, their hands touching on several occasions. For some reason he had to think of that night where he was at that bar drinking shots with that certain hot Spaniard. How they had danced… how they had eaten pastries together. It ruined his mode effectively. He had to get this out of his head.   
„I want to fuck“, he said in a husky voice and the guy was fast to nod and drag him a bit further into the shadows.   
“I will fuck you good…”, was the answer and Lovino could already feel some hands groping his butt, but he swatted them away.  
“Not here, let’s go…”, he said and somehow hoped that that guy would drag him to another dance club.  
Antonio did not know what brought him here but with no place to go he first wandered around a bit, not knowing what to do. As he thought of the last time he had been genuailly happy his feet had dragged him here. Lovinos Home. He was glad the younger one was nowhere to be seen, this would have been really awkward.  
He felt cold, it would have been just a matter of time but he could not go home yet. They had made a decision but it was not yet settled in his brain. Maybe he also wanted to check again if he was right. Suddenly there were some tumbled steps echoing through the silent darkness. Then two figures appeared and one of the two was permanently stopping the other to press them against a wall or something. Antonio tried to ignore them but they neared fast and he recognized that it were two guys making out… or almost more. As they passed a streetlight Antonio recognized one of them was …Lovino.  
His blood began to boil immediately and he jumped to his feet as if somebody had shocked him with a teaser. Suddenly he was hyper aware of his red puffy eyes. But he was not fast enough to turn away so the couple came to stand in front of him; Lovino had his keys in the hand and was laughing because the guy behind him was attaching his neck. He was stumbling a bit and his cheeks were red as if he had drunk too much. But then their eyes met and it was the same as on the dance floor some days ago.  
Antonio felt his world fall out of its angles again and his blood rushing through his ears. He let his eyes fall.  
“Ah… sorry“, he said and turned around to walk away. But he did not get very far because he heard someone call out for him.  
“Hey!”, he heard Lovinos voice and stopped… and actually turned. He could not do anything about it.  
Lovino was still starring at him with big eyes, the keys in his hands forgotten. The other guy suddenly recognized that there was not the right reaction to his attempts so he also looked up, checking out Antonio.  
“What do you want… can´t you see we are busy?”  
As either Lovino or Antonio reacted to that he blinked a few times.  
“Look if you want to do a threesome, I only take two bottoms.”  
That was when Lovino turned to the guy. “Fuck off…”, he said and repeated it louder as the guy just starred blackly at him. Then he flipped him off angrily and left.  
Antonio swallowed hard as Lovino let his hand wander through his hair and again looked at him. Now Antonio could see he was fairly drunk. And the next thing the Spaniard knew was that he was pressed to a wall, two hands on his chest.  
“Nino…”  
Antonio looked at him a little dumbfounded.  
“Did you… forget my name??”, ha asked a bit shocked and put his hands on Lovinos shoulders.  
The Italien just laughed. It mixed with a cute little hiccup.  
„Nino is the italian short form for Antonio…“, he whispered and his voice alone gave Antonio the biggest goosebumps.  
But he eventually began to laugh a bit. He did not know why but Lovinos presence made him feel better and lightheaded.   
“Nino… nobody called me that before…”, he said and scratched his nose. Suddenly felt as if the last few hours did not happen, or where just very fade memories from another time. He felt free. The Spaniard gasped as he suddenly felt lips on his collar and a warm body pressing against him and… where those hands slipping in his pants?  
“Ah… Nino~”  
Lovino seemed to exactly continue where he had stopped with the other guy and he got Antonio for a moment.  
“Dios… and nobody besides you should do it…”, the Spaniard stuttered overwhelmed from what was happening. For a moment he was not sure if his mind was not just messing with him. As their lips met again he felt that this should be exactly right thing to do and he had to close his eyes.   
Suddenly he heard a door shut and snapped back to attention, right as he had been pushed to the bed and had a certain Italian straddling him.  
“…Wait”, he managed to get out and grabbed Lovinos hands. The latter snorted a bit in disgruntlement.  
“What? I want to fuck!”  
“But… “, Antonio started, even though the words send a shiver trough him.  
That made Lovino snap a bit and he leaned in.   
“Why else would you be here, hm?”, he asked.  
“But… you know…”, Antonio again started.  
“YES, I know but that did not stop you last time either right? And I have no problem with it”, the Italian said and tried to kiss him again but Antonio got is hands between their lips.   
“I´m sorry… I came out to my friends and they reacted pretty bad so I did not know where to go…”, Antonio blurred out. He did just say half of the truth but he felt in a rush to explain himself and it would have been so much to tell.  
That actually made the Italian blink and he sat up a bit more straight, but accidently even more straddling the Spaniard. They both had to moan a bit but kept focus.  
“Well that… is terrible actually…”, the Italian said and lifted his hands to softly stroke the eyelashes of the Spaniard. “I thought those were tears of joy…”, he mocked .  
“I’m sorry, I should not have come here…”, Antonio said.  
“And yet, you did….”  
To that the Spaniard looked as if he was about to start crying again.  
The brunette then shrugged and ´let himself fall on the bed.   
“Never mind… you cockblocked me successfully, so now there is no reason for you to leave”, he simply said. “Maybe I can get you some ….tea?“  
The tea soon turned into alcohol spiked tea, at least for Lovino. Because Antonio had a real breakdown now and Lovino knew he was not so harsh when he stayed tipsy. Coming down from tipsiness always made him unreasonably angry… and that was really not what Antonio could use now. He did not exactly feel pity or hurt but more like a little relieve that Antonio had chosen to come to him of all people for such a distressing topic.  
There is that point in your life when your whole picture of the worlds shifts and causes your breakdown, he knew that. Lovino himself had been not so lucky to have someone as company to understand and comfort him that time so he actually tried to be nice for once.  
For the good amount of the night they were just hunched together in a blanked and Antonio cried and Lovino listened. God there never had been so many fluids soaked into his sheets and mattress and that was not a positive thing.   
Antonio did not really talk much, he just repeated a few things over and over, but what he said was enough. Non accepting friends were the worst.  
“Maybe they just need a little time…”, Lovino said well knowing that it not normally was that way. People were cruel.   
“Have you talked to your… ar… wife…?”, he then asked after Antonio seemed to have calmed down. He regretted his words quickly as a new even harder crying fit rocked the Spaniard. … that had been the wrong question surely.  
“There there… let everything out… tomorrow everything will be more clear… you know tears are there to wash everything out of your soul what is there to cloud your view….”, Lovino tried awkwardly. The Italian could not avoid feeling a little flutter of his heart as Antonio finally let out a exhausted sigh and really slowly grabbed his hand. His fingers were warm and shaking as they intervened with Lovinos.  
“Thank you…”  
It was the first time Lovino let a possible sex partner sleep over. And it was the first time since ever that he slept very well. And it was the first time someone brought him coffee to the bed and smiled at him and said “Thank you for the night” in a context he would never have expected. For a moment he thought it was a dream as well. And he never had the need of that “relationship experience” but now if felt kind of nice.  
“What are you going to do now?”, the Italian murmured sleepy as he sipped his coffee. It was good.  
Antonio only smiled. “The right thing… I guess…”  
And Lovino was kissed goodbye. Not on his lips but on his forehead. And for the first time he felt like it was a kiss out of pure affection.  
Xxx  
„And that was that. And since a few days I have not heard one bit of him“, Lovino said and sipped from his drink very angry. Alfred just laughed at him.  
“What is with your rule to only let a guy into your bed once?”, he mocks him.  
“It´s not like we had sex… even if I would have preferred that”, the Italian murmured from his gritted teeth.  
Alfred watched his friend a bit amused and with knowing eyes. Then he poked him a bit in the side.  
“Finally there is a guy that got into your head… or should I say into your heart my not so sweet friend?”, he said and raised his eyebrows at the murderous stare he was getting now.  
“You know what that means? This Antonio has written history!”, he continued, starting to get dramatic.   
“Ah… sorry we just heard you saying Antonio…? We actually looking for our good friend Antonio…”, a voice suddenly stated and Lovino turned curiously. There were two guys standing in front of him.  
They seemed a bit uneasy and intimidated by his glare.  
“Francis, let’s go. I´m sure there is a ton of Antonio’s out there, soo….”  
“No we have to take every chance….”  
“How do you know him?”, Lovino asked with a very annoyed tone, but truth to be told he was very curious if there two bastards where the so called best friends. He could not place what he felt there… was he being a bit protective?  
Now Francis seemed the one being intimidated so it was the other guys with somewhat silver hair to speak up.  
“He is our best friend, like this tall, messy brown hair, green eyes, the typical Latino… adorable smile”, he started and Lovino slammed his glass on the counter.   
“So you are those two Bastards who did that horrible thing to him?!”, he sneered, not able to hold back his anger. He felt Alfred’s hand on his shoulder, the other also looking kind of shocked by the reaction of his friend.  
The two seemed mortified.   
“Yes, and we are really sorry! We want to tell him that we were real idiots and… omg please don’t kill me---oh?”  
The silver haired had started talking faster and even ducked a bit as Lovino stood up only to notice that he was like two heads taller than the angry boy. A grin spread on his face and his almost reddish eyes twinkled.  
“Oh, and I thought I needed to be afr---arg!”, was all he could say before the Italian had kicked his shins really hard.  
“I´m aiming for your sorry ass balls next you shitface!”, the smaller one screamed and was only hold back by Alfred. Now also Arthur came by to help him.  
Francis looked at all that with a kind of puzzled expression and as the eyes fell on him he raised his arms in defence.  
“As my friend here said… we did something very terrible..”  
“Yes terrible, you bastards!”, Lovino cut him off but was hold back once more so Francis could continue.  
“… we know that and we want to apologize. But we cannot get a hold of Antonio since a few days. And there is more going on. We actually have to help and save him from a terrible mistake!”, he continued.  
Lovino steamed with anger. “You mean that terrible mistake that he can actually be who the fuck he wants???”  
Again Francis took a step back.  
“Ah, no no! We want to help him to be who he wants so he will be happy, but if we do not help him soon, that might never be the case!”  
To that the three listening to him stopped struggling. Lovino did not really calm down, he still wanted to hurt those two... hurt them bad, but his senses tingled upon the words of the blonde bastard.  
“Tell me, and do not leave anything out”, Lovino then said and sat back down.  
“And you can help us find him then? You know where he is?”, both friends asked a bit hopefully.  
Lovino adjusted the scarf around his neck and huffed.  
“Tell me first, and then I decide”, he commanded. Alfred just let his head fall to the side and gave him that knowing look, had he not told him like two minutes ago he had no clue where Antonio was.  
“So first of all, we were really not ok with him coming out because we were afraid that something between us might change, but then we understood that he never changed at all, he just did not know it yet and we deeply disappointed him. And then we overheard that conversation with him and Emma…”, Gilbert, that was the silver haired, started.  
Lovino felt something going on inside him as he heard that name. He did not like it one bit, it made him uncomfortable.   
“His wife…?”, he asked nevertheless.  
“Yes. Turns out she knew about everything.”  
Lovinos eyebrow lifted. “What do you mean with that?”  
“Well she seemed to be well aware that Antonio wasn´t straight and she tried to tell him that this was just a phase”, Francis continued to this and Lovino snorted and gritted his teeth. How he hated that word… phase.   
“She like even said he could do what he wanted if they stayed together and he did her one favour.”, Francis explained further.  
“Yeah, you know she is all about reputation and so on, she did not want to have a scandal in the family…”  
“Yeah yeah, the normal drama”, Lovino waved at Gilberts thrown in words. “What exactly is that favour…?”  
“Well… if they had a child together, she would somehow forever have a little bit of power on him, you must know he is a very talented and upcoming-“  
“A fucking what?!”, the Italian had lost his temper again. “That bitch!”  
“We also think that it’s not really a good idea, that’s why we try to find him. But he does not answer to texts and did not open the door for a few days now…”, Gilbert finished. “We need to talk some sense into him and tell him that we got his back no matter what.”  
“What da disaster…. “, Lovino finally grumbled feeling as annoyed as never before. That’s why you got no involved with others shit. It could have been such a nice one night stand. Geez.   
“Well, that’s shit but I don´t know where he is either. Haven´t seen him in days. Sorry I guess…”, he said and ordered another drink for himself. Maybe it was not too late to not get involved. Maybe he could drink to forget what was keeping his mind busy for some time now.  
“Don´t be so worried. Maybe he is just gone off somewhere to calm down... He told me himself he was going to do the right…”, he stated at the now very disappointed faces of Francis and Gilbert as it clicked. “…thing… that fucker….”  
It was set. He could not not get involved. He could not place it, but he suddenly wanted to be involved and he felt like it was kind of a personal responsibility.   
“Do you know where his wife is… there is a good chance they are together. He said to me he was going to do the right thing and with him being so stupid that could only mean…”, Lovino said and felt his stomach turn. The others also understood directly. Gilbert got his phone out of his pocket.   
“We did not get in contact with her because we wanted to get to him first. But I know something”, he said and dialled. It rang like two times. “HI hun! No I´m not buying that glasses you told me, what is it with you and that kink geez…”, he started bickering with the person on the other side but then caught a glimpse of the audience and sighed. “Listen Liz, we are searching for Emma, do you know where she might be?... oh really? … Together?.... and where?... ok thank you! … oh no we just wanted to know because Antons phone was broken so he could not answer for a few days… yes thanks. I love you bye”, he ended the phone call and turned to a very silent audience.  
“They have gone on a little vacation… together… today”, he finally said.  
“And where?!”, everybody just screamed  
“It’s like 3 hours by car from here!”, the other said.  
“We have to fucking get there and stop him!!”, was the last Lovino said, throwing all his hesitation out of the window again and pulled the other two out of the club.  
“Be a dear Al, and pay for my drinks. I pay you back later!”, he just called back.  
The door closed and Alfred and Arthur were left behind.  
“I´ve never seen him so… involved.”, Arthur said after a short while. Alfred smiled to that and sighed a bit.  
“Oh you should have seen him when it was about his little brother. He’s a real protector!”  
“…ah you mean he has something else now that he wants to protect?”, the brit asked.  
“Yes, I guess my little feisty friend finally is going to grow up… or maybe is about to experience his first heartbreak …. Let’s hope for the first tough… I´m scared for scenario two…”  
 


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo!
> 
> Well... it has been some time since I uploaded but ... summer period is just not my time to write I guess. :)  
> I´m sorry for keeping you waiting but there you go with the next chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

It had been a quiet ride. Lovino had no intention of making small talk to the two men. He still did not like them and he was pretty sure he never would. He was not the forgiving kind of person. And like hell would he answer any of the questions about the relationship he had with Antonio. First because he did not trust them, second because here was none. It had been only sex and only one time. And he wanted to spare them the One-night-stand stuff.  
So he zooned out listening to the music and shrugged of any looks in his direction.  
He did not even feel nervous as they arrived. So when Francis and Gilbert just started freaking out in front of the hotel, Lovino marched right in, leaving the two behind. That seemed to wake up at least Francis and he followed him. The reception was bright and golden and Lovino felt like he did not belong to such a place. How expensive was this!? Also the receptionist seemed to come to this conclusion because he eyed Lovino like he was some sort of stray. The Italian felt anger bubbling inside and took in a deep breath and opened his mouth to let hell loose but this time the frenshmen was faster. He pushed Romano behind and walked up to the receptionist and started talking to them. For a second the Italian felt even more annoyed but at he saw Francis, he in fact did look like he belonged here and he restrained himself.  
Because he could do nothing but wait, he looked around a bit. Outside the reception there was a large balcony with a great view onto the beach and the sea. It looked nice so he went outside. Perfect for a honeymoon or some shit like that. The Italian made a grimace about that and tried to imagine some action on the beach instead. As he had taken in the view he wanted to get back to the reception again. As he just was about to turn he caught a glimpse of brown messy hair and he stepped back onto the balcony again. A little jolt ran through him. It was him. He was leaning there over the railing, looking at the sea. He looked quite ok, he was even smiling softly. Lovino opened his mouth to speak but Francis and Gilbert were faster this time.  
“Antonio!”  
The Spaniard turned. He seemed really surprised as his two friends run up to him.  
“Francis, Gilbert!”, he exclaimed dumbfounded as they ran up to him and got him into a bone crushing hug.  
“We are so sorry! And we love you, so don´t do anything stupid, please!! Please come home with us! Don´t have a child”, they both blabbered while suffocating Antonio. There was nothing to see but a swatch of curly brown hair that wiggled around.  
“Ah.. uh… don´t worry… uhm where did you know that… I will not have a… what…?”, a muffled and very confused voice was heard and then a soft sob. They were fast to release him and as the Spaniard looked up his eyes were filled with tears. He just looked overwhelmed. Before the tears clouded his view fully and he gave in to the hug, he caught a glimpse of a familiar curl and…a little smile.  
…  
Looking at the waves as they were crashing onto beach was somewhat calming. Lovino had stared at them for a long time now. He was not in the mood to go back to the hotel. First he again had the feeling like he did not belong and that he was interrupting something. So he kept himself busy processing what had happened, how fucking relived he had felt as he had found out that Antonio had rejected the wish of that bitch. But all the fuss had been for nothing but Drama. He felt a bit stupid, because nothing had actually happened yet he was relived about it. And now he kind of was annoyed with himself to let him be involved so much. He should have stayed out. With this thought he let himself fall onto his back, running his hands through the sand. He gritted his teeth in annoyance as he saw a figure walking up to him. Why was he so fucking handsome, walking there? Lovino felt a pang of possessives run through him again. He wanted all of that sexy bastard for himself.  
“Hey Bastard…”, he said with a half-smile as Antonio sat down beside him. “Your eyes are still red from crying… and again these are no tears of joy because you miss my body so much. I don’t understand you.”  
The Spaniard laughed to that with his deep melodic voice and it sounded really heartfelt. It gave Lovino the chills.  
“I just wanted to say thank you… again. For coming I mean.”, he said and his tone was like music. “I was really happy to see you there.”  
The Italian sat up, still looking very annoyed.  
“I left a perfectly fine evening at the bar for… nothing”, he murmured and adjusted his scarf again.  
“…what? Nothing?”, the Spaniard suddenly said and in a split of a second he straddled Lovino. “Then let me give you something.”  
“Ah, finally we are talking…”, Lovino grinned and bent his knees.  
But he should have known Antonio enough by now because the man just bowed down and hugged him. First the Italian was startled and felt his annoyance rise. Then he had to start laughing, because this was exactly like at their first meeting. A typical Antonio, you could say. Lovino was so amused by it that he let him be. He even felt his own arms rise and carefully pat his upper back and this neck where some of the brown curls tickled his fingers. He could feel Antonios nose brush his collar bone. It was a kind of perfect moment… for a couple. But they were not and so Lovino could not endure it very long.  
“Why did you ruin this perfect chance of sex on the beach?”, the Italian joked as he pushed the other from him and poked his rips so Antonio would have no chance but to beg him to stop because this was his weak point.  
A minute later they were just lying there, panting and looking into the sky. Lovino knew he did not have to ask but just to wait for the Spaniard to talk. That he knew by now.  
“Until we got here I really was unsure what to do. I mean I knew it but I didn’t know if I would have the strength to go through with it.”  
“If you really would have been so stupid, then you would have earned it to be miserable for the rest of your life”, Lovino told him in an honest voice. “There are lots of people that actually decide to be miserable for their whole life… stupid fuckers…”  
Antonio turned his head ab it and looked at Lovino.  
“That is pretty harsh”, he said and smiled a bit. “Don´t you sometimes put a person above yourself?”  
Lovino snorted. “That would have to be a very very special person. And even then only in a very very special occasion. I mean how you could respect others if you do not respect yourself in the first place. And let´s go a step further. It if was that special of a person they would not make you do such things in the first place.”  
“… I never looked at it that way.”, the other whispered. “…but I understand it now…”  
For a while there was silence and Lovino started to wonder what was going on in the others head. As he turned his head he could see Antonio crying silently, but he was also smiling. It was a mix of awe and pity that rushed through the Italian.  
They went back to the hotel eventually and they celebrated a bit with Antonio’s friends. At least there was alcohol for Lovino and a nice view… besides Antonio. But nothing could get his gaze away from the Spaniard for too long. And every time he looked back at him there were these piercing green eyes gazing back.  
Xxx  
It was already morning when Lovino came home. Everything was calm in the flat. So different from the whole night. As he shuffled to the kitchen and let himself fall onto a chair at the tiny table he found a big letter with his name on it.  
It was the flyer for the opening of the art gallery and three invitations for people he could bring. His painting had even made it to the flyer. The black sailing ship was showing proudly on the front and his initials just below it. He suddenly felt very hot, as if there was a creature inside of his stomach that had just woken up. He just was not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. It kind of felt like… pride.  
He took a deep breath and let himself lean back on the chair at the kitchen table. After a moment a smile spread very slowly on his face and his had to chuckle a bit. He had decided that it felt good and he let that feeling sink in.  
Finally he let out a laugh. In a second of euphoria he though to whom he could talk about this and his laughter ebbed away. Who could he share this with? Who would be happy for him?  
Dam, why was a certain person directly jumping into his mind? He could very lively imagine his laugh, how he would be happy for him and hug him.  
He looked again at the 3 invitations he had. It had been a few months since he had last seen his brother and grandfather and even though their relationship was a bit… rough since he came out gay he guessed he would invite the two of them.  
This meant there was one further invitation. He turned the page in his hand. One the one hand it was good that the opening was months away so he would have enough time to find someone to go with, on the other hand… he kind of already knew who he wanted to give it to.


End file.
